40 Days
I don't often share about my faith. I feel like it is deeply personal and while I would never ever hide it, I also don't necessarily feel like I need to broadcast it either. I feel like some people are called to be more vocal. I have the utmost respect for them and believe their words flow much more eloquently than mine . I feel that I am more called to show my love for Jesus in a more quiet, subtle way, hence the lack of eloquent flowing words.
However, after a couple of weeks of listening to this months sermon series, I feel compelled to share. The title of the sermon series is "Jesus Revealed". I firmly believe God is always revealing himself to us. I also firmly believe that we often times miss these opportunities, because we are a people greatly wrapped up in our own existence. I am extremely guilty of this. Lately, though I have had many glimpses of The Lord's presence in my life. I am thankful for these moments and I believe they are important to remember in times when I am gliding by, holding on with simple faith.
I have never been very dedicated to the time of Lent ( the 40 days building up to Easter). I think I never understood how giving up donuts or coffee or whatever was going to bring me closer to Christ. Right before the season of lent this year, I had a couple of friends share an article on Facebook. 20 Things to Give up for Lent. It made me think about what I could do to become closer to Christ. Our church was giving out a prayer book for the 40 days of lent. Somehow I didn't end up getting a book, but one of my Sunday school friends that did, used that book to fill up Easter eggs for her children to open each day in lent. I thought that was a cute idea and ended up using it to spin off my own idea. Thanks Ashley!
We say prayers every night with our kids, but we usually just repeat the same prayer over and over again. I wanted to give our family something specific to pray for each night. We sat down and together came up with 40 specific prayers for our family and friends. I wrote them all down on a little piece of paper, and stuffed them in the eggs.
Then I hid the eggs all over the house.
Each night at bed time the kids go find one egg and we open it together and pray the prayer that is written inside.
I know it isn't the traditional give something up thing. However, the purpose is to be more Christ centered and draw us closer to God. I can't speak for the rest of my family, but for me the simple little added prayer has created an awareness in my life of Jesus revealed moments. And yes for those of you that know me too well and are sitting there asking yourself how "little miss Andrea who doesn't like anything out of place" is handling eggs hidden throughout her house for 40 days, well I am having a hard time with that. Now that I have officially decorated for Easter, it is easier because they blend in. Ok enough of that.
My first Jesus revealed moment happened kind of in two parts. Ashlynn and I were driving home one day when she randomly said, look mom that truck has the name of my baby brother on it. Shocked I asked, "Jaxton? A truck said Jaxton on it?". No mom my other baby brother, the one in heaven. This kind took my breath away and I didn't really know how to respond. I have certainly not hid the miscarriage from her, but I definitely don't talk to her about it. She was three when it happened so I know she doesn't remember it. I have also never told her it was a boy, because we don't really know. That same week a co-worker and dear friend came to tell me a story. I hope she doesn't mind me sharing. She (my friend) recently lost her father. It was a long process, with lots of ups and downs. When the end was nearing her family gathered around and spent the finial hours with him. He was in and out of conscience and during one of the moments he began talking to the baby he and his wife had lost to miscarriage many years before. It was if in those moments of unconsciousness, he was sharing vocally a moment in heaven. That was so incredibly comforting to me. It is no secret that my miscarriage was hard for me. I blame myself so much and no one has been able to heal the guilt I carry. These two small moments gave me a small connection to the child I have yet to hold. It was if God was whispering in my ear, " I have him, he is ok and he knows you love him. You get to look forward to eternity with him. Give yourself a break and let go."
The next Jesus revealed wasn't quite so gentle and sweet. It was more like a whack in the head. This year has been a real struggle for me. I know,I know, I sound so whinny lately. Ugh! Any way the balance of working full time and having two full time children with two very busy full time schedules, has left me struggling. I know none of you would have ever guessed it, but I am not the most flexible, go with the flow kind of girl, ever. Ha! I know, once again, one of my many many, did I say many, flaws. So Jaxton has been going to a MDO program in Rogers. My mom and I spend literally hours in the car driving back in forth from Bentonville to Rogers. I know the two towns are right next to each other, but these locations are both on the opposite sides of the towns and the times we are trying to get from one place to the other is always when everyone else is trying to get somewhere, which turns it into an hour drive coming home in the afternoons. I am not trying to ignore that my mom also deals with this type of drive. She is just much more graceful than I, and doesn't complain. Anyway, we loved the MDO program and had no plans to change our routine. That is until we didn't love our MDO program anymore. This school year has unfortunately been one thing after another at Jaxton's school. I spent more nights crying after picking him up than I care to remember. It made me have major appreciation for being blessed enough to have my mom here to be my child's primary caregiver while I was at work. I had decided early on that this would be Jaxton's last year in that program, but a couple of weeks ago I became so outraged at the treatment of my child that I absolutely couldn't take it another minute and pulled Jaxton out effective immediately. After looking into several different options we have enrolled him into a preschool that is so close to mine and Marshal's work, either of us could take off running and be there within five minutes. Ok maybe not Marshal because he doesn't run-ever, but you get the point. Now Jaxton doesn't start their until the fall but I have heard nothing but glowing recommendations and I got the warm fuzzies talking to the director. After getting him all enrolled, I was driving, (it happened to be one of the rare times that I was actually in the car alone) then out of no where God just said " you are welcome. " I was like what? And he said " you've been begging me to help you find a way to manage your stress. I found a way." I hadn't even thought about that as an option. Yet, I know it is going to be a huge time and energy saver for both my mom and I. I am so thankful to serve a God that sees the big picture even when I cannot.
The last Jesus revealed moment was a sweet simple conversation between Jaxton and I. I met Marshal for dinner the other evening a Which Wich. After dinner Ashlynn asked Marshal if she could ride with him. Ashlynn wanting to ride with him, meant Jaxton wanted to ride with him. Trying to not have to move the car seat over I said "Jaxton ride with mommy. I would be so lonely without you." He turned to me and said without hesitation, "Mom you won't be lonely. Jesus lives in your heart. He is with you everywhere you go."
Ok Jaxton. You are so right my sweet little four year old. So right.
I might not be loud about my faith and I might not always know the words to use to express myself, but I hope that everyone can see God definitely has my heart.
However, after a couple of weeks of listening to this months sermon series, I feel compelled to share. The title of the sermon series is "Jesus Revealed". I firmly believe God is always revealing himself to us. I also firmly believe that we often times miss these opportunities, because we are a people greatly wrapped up in our own existence. I am extremely guilty of this. Lately, though I have had many glimpses of The Lord's presence in my life. I am thankful for these moments and I believe they are important to remember in times when I am gliding by, holding on with simple faith.
I have never been very dedicated to the time of Lent ( the 40 days building up to Easter). I think I never understood how giving up donuts or coffee or whatever was going to bring me closer to Christ. Right before the season of lent this year, I had a couple of friends share an article on Facebook. 20 Things to Give up for Lent. It made me think about what I could do to become closer to Christ. Our church was giving out a prayer book for the 40 days of lent. Somehow I didn't end up getting a book, but one of my Sunday school friends that did, used that book to fill up Easter eggs for her children to open each day in lent. I thought that was a cute idea and ended up using it to spin off my own idea. Thanks Ashley!
We say prayers every night with our kids, but we usually just repeat the same prayer over and over again. I wanted to give our family something specific to pray for each night. We sat down and together came up with 40 specific prayers for our family and friends. I wrote them all down on a little piece of paper, and stuffed them in the eggs.
Then I hid the eggs all over the house.
Each night at bed time the kids go find one egg and we open it together and pray the prayer that is written inside.
I know it isn't the traditional give something up thing. However, the purpose is to be more Christ centered and draw us closer to God. I can't speak for the rest of my family, but for me the simple little added prayer has created an awareness in my life of Jesus revealed moments. And yes for those of you that know me too well and are sitting there asking yourself how "little miss Andrea who doesn't like anything out of place" is handling eggs hidden throughout her house for 40 days, well I am having a hard time with that. Now that I have officially decorated for Easter, it is easier because they blend in. Ok enough of that.
My first Jesus revealed moment happened kind of in two parts. Ashlynn and I were driving home one day when she randomly said, look mom that truck has the name of my baby brother on it. Shocked I asked, "Jaxton? A truck said Jaxton on it?". No mom my other baby brother, the one in heaven. This kind took my breath away and I didn't really know how to respond. I have certainly not hid the miscarriage from her, but I definitely don't talk to her about it. She was three when it happened so I know she doesn't remember it. I have also never told her it was a boy, because we don't really know. That same week a co-worker and dear friend came to tell me a story. I hope she doesn't mind me sharing. She (my friend) recently lost her father. It was a long process, with lots of ups and downs. When the end was nearing her family gathered around and spent the finial hours with him. He was in and out of conscience and during one of the moments he began talking to the baby he and his wife had lost to miscarriage many years before. It was if in those moments of unconsciousness, he was sharing vocally a moment in heaven. That was so incredibly comforting to me. It is no secret that my miscarriage was hard for me. I blame myself so much and no one has been able to heal the guilt I carry. These two small moments gave me a small connection to the child I have yet to hold. It was if God was whispering in my ear, " I have him, he is ok and he knows you love him. You get to look forward to eternity with him. Give yourself a break and let go."
The next Jesus revealed wasn't quite so gentle and sweet. It was more like a whack in the head. This year has been a real struggle for me. I know,I know, I sound so whinny lately. Ugh! Any way the balance of working full time and having two full time children with two very busy full time schedules, has left me struggling. I know none of you would have ever guessed it, but I am not the most flexible, go with the flow kind of girl, ever. Ha! I know, once again, one of my many many, did I say many, flaws. So Jaxton has been going to a MDO program in Rogers. My mom and I spend literally hours in the car driving back in forth from Bentonville to Rogers. I know the two towns are right next to each other, but these locations are both on the opposite sides of the towns and the times we are trying to get from one place to the other is always when everyone else is trying to get somewhere, which turns it into an hour drive coming home in the afternoons. I am not trying to ignore that my mom also deals with this type of drive. She is just much more graceful than I, and doesn't complain. Anyway, we loved the MDO program and had no plans to change our routine. That is until we didn't love our MDO program anymore. This school year has unfortunately been one thing after another at Jaxton's school. I spent more nights crying after picking him up than I care to remember. It made me have major appreciation for being blessed enough to have my mom here to be my child's primary caregiver while I was at work. I had decided early on that this would be Jaxton's last year in that program, but a couple of weeks ago I became so outraged at the treatment of my child that I absolutely couldn't take it another minute and pulled Jaxton out effective immediately. After looking into several different options we have enrolled him into a preschool that is so close to mine and Marshal's work, either of us could take off running and be there within five minutes. Ok maybe not Marshal because he doesn't run-ever, but you get the point. Now Jaxton doesn't start their until the fall but I have heard nothing but glowing recommendations and I got the warm fuzzies talking to the director. After getting him all enrolled, I was driving, (it happened to be one of the rare times that I was actually in the car alone) then out of no where God just said " you are welcome. " I was like what? And he said " you've been begging me to help you find a way to manage your stress. I found a way." I hadn't even thought about that as an option. Yet, I know it is going to be a huge time and energy saver for both my mom and I. I am so thankful to serve a God that sees the big picture even when I cannot.
The last Jesus revealed moment was a sweet simple conversation between Jaxton and I. I met Marshal for dinner the other evening a Which Wich. After dinner Ashlynn asked Marshal if she could ride with him. Ashlynn wanting to ride with him, meant Jaxton wanted to ride with him. Trying to not have to move the car seat over I said "Jaxton ride with mommy. I would be so lonely without you." He turned to me and said without hesitation, "Mom you won't be lonely. Jesus lives in your heart. He is with you everywhere you go."
Ok Jaxton. You are so right my sweet little four year old. So right.
I might not be loud about my faith and I might not always know the words to use to express myself, but I hope that everyone can see God definitely has my heart.
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