Surprise Surprise!

I know over a month since I have posted. I am terrible at this! I kept telling myself once school was out I would get better at this and then last week I couldn't bring myself to do anything, but veg out and enjoy my time with Ashlynn. Then this week comes along and seriously how did it get to be Wednesday already??? YIKES!

Ok enough with the excuses. Yesterday was Marshal and My 8th Anniversary! I can't believe it. We had a wonderful dinner at the River Grille. We have gone there for the last three years. The last two years we have seen this cute older couple there celebrating their anniversary too. They weren't there this year and I have to say I was a little sad. I think they told us last year they had been married 56 years!

Well, I don't know if you can tell in the picture but I do have a little baby bump! I am sure some of you guessed that might be my reasoning for the lack of post lately. I make a terrible pregnant person. I get soooooooo sick and have to take prescription meds to keep the vomiting to a minimum. So needless to say I feel pretty darn rotten most of the time. With Ashlynn it all ended at 20 weeks. I am 18 weeks now and feeling much better, but still not great.

To be honest I have had more than one reason not to post. I have been truly sick, but I also don't think I trust this pregnancy thing yet. Therefore, I felt like it was easier not to post than to post about being pregnant. I know it sounds silly,but to have it in writing is actually very hard for me. I have had two ultrasounds and heard the heartbeat three times and everything is looking great. However, I can't seem to get over this fear that I will have another miscarriage. So even through the vomiting, the little baby kicks, the ever expanding belly, I don't really think of myself being pregnant. I guess I am so scared to get attached to this baby that I just won't really let myself think about being pregnant. I know- sounds ridiculous!

I am also so worried about how this well effect everyone else. I have three really good friends that are trying desperately to get pregnant. And I know that they will all make awesome moms someday. I struggle so much with the "Why's" that sometimes I think I could actually drown myself in questions. I trust God and know that he has a plan for everyone. I guess I just don't know how to handle the pain of waiting on his timing. Praying for peace and patience for everyone that is in the process of waiting.........