Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The Beach

We just got back from our beach vacation in Destin, Florida. We had a fabulous time! It was a little more challenging this year keeping an infant content and entertaining a five year old. However, we had a great time and the week flew bye. I have created a couple of collages to showcase our week.

Thanks for letting me share! Have a great weekend!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

June 16th

On June 16, 2001 I married my best friend and the love of my life.This year for our anniversary Marshal and I went to Little Rock for a little getaway. We had a blast.
We started the day off at a reception for all of the teachers that achieved National Board Certification this year. Governor Beebe spoke to us and told us how very proud he was.

Then we headed over to our hotel to get a nap (fabulous) and get ready for our evening out. We stayed at the Captial Hotel and it was an amazing place. So beautiful and the staff made sure our stay was extra special.

We ate dinner at a yummy steak restaurant down town and had the best creme brulee I have ever eaten. Let me tell you I have eaten quite a few servings, but this was by far the best. Thank you Marshal for introducing me to that delicious little treat.

After dinner we headed on over to the piano bar and had such a blast. It was so nice to not have a babysitter curfew to worry about.

Such a wonderful little trip! Can't wait to see what the next nine years bring!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Is there ever any Closure?

This week I would have been celebrating my precious baby Taylor’s first birthday.

I am writing this post from my heart and if you out there in blog world can’t handle the honesty please stop reading now. I have so much I need to share for me and I beg of you not to judge my feelings.

When I had my miscarriage something inside of me was broken. I really, within every being of my body, thought that all I needed to do was to get pregnant again to fix it; so much so that I focused on nothing but getting pregnant again. I thought that if I could just get pregnant again I could prove to the world and myself that I was not broken and that there was not anything “wrong” with me.

You see when you have a miscarriage there are so many emotions you go through. I know it may not be the same for everyone, but for me I had a huge sense of guilt. I blamed myself. I mourned for the baby. My womb felt empty. My heart was shattered. There was no closure. Nothing left of a life you started to love and plan for. Nothing to hold on to.

I did get pregnant again. Quickly. And in all reality probably too quickly. I spent nine months trying not to get attached to my baby. Trying to guard myself from that hurt and pain. Each doctor’s appointment I prepared myself to hear bad news. I didn’t want to baby shop, I didn’t want the baby showers. And yet this tiny little baby somehow broke through my toughness with each little kick. The very second he was born I fell head over heels in love with him. There was nothing I could do but to let him into my heart.

I really thought at the time that was the end of it. I thought that once I held my perfectly healthy baby that the hole in my body would heal. I thought the ache in my chest would disappear.

But it hasn’t. I still long for the baby I lost. I don’t know why I thought another child could replace the lost, but as much as I am ashamed to say it, I really thought it would. I still long for closure, although I am afraid it will never come. Taylor was and is apart of my family. She changed me forever. She made me value being a mom in a way I never did before.

I find peace in knowing that I serve a powerful God. He held me when I couldn’t put one foot in front of the other. And there is no question in my mind that he is holding Taylor and that together they are smiling down on us.

So Happy Birthday my Sweet Sweet Taylor. I love you and know one day I will see your beautiful face and hold you in my arms. Until then I will cherish the hole you left behind. It is the only thing I have left on this earth to remind me of you.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

I am a real momma now

So picture this... I am running Jaxton's bath water and Ashlynn is laying on the couch. I tell her it is time to pick up her toys. Well she starts crying and telling me that her stomach hurts and that she can't pick up her toys. I naturally, like the mother of the year I am, tell her she better get to picking them up or they will become mine (thinking the stomach ache is surely a plot to get out of picking up). So I get Jaxton in the bath and all clean and I start running Ashlynn's bath water. I go to feed Jaxton and let Ashlynn know that she will be getting in the bath soon so she better hop to it. Well I no more get Jaxton latched on and then it happens-the noise that all mother's fear....vomit! Yes that is right, Ashlynn is vomiting all over the couch and the floor and the bathroom sink and the bathroom floor and the bathroom rugs and her favorite blankets.

Well crap oh dear what it the world am I suppose to do now! Jaxton just started eating and now I have a very sick five year old. And of course Marshal is at a meeting! Great just Great!

I lay Jaxton in the floor, throw Ashlynn in the bath and you can only imagine how happy that made both kids. They are both screaming their hearts out.

All I could do was cry myself and think "well Andrea you are a real momma now!

P.S. I am pretty sure this is why my mom only had one child!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Bad Blogger

Wow I can not believe how long it has been since I blogged last. Did you miss me?

We have been going non-stop these days and I have barely had time to sleep, talk on the phone, or check the blogs I follow, three of my favorite things, sad!

I am just going to make this a picture catch up since I have so much to share and once again so little time...

These are pictures from Ashlynn's Jitterbugs performance. It was so cute and she did such a great job!
This is what Jaxton thought of the whole thing...

These are pictures from Memorial Day weekend. We spent Saturday at My parents Lake house and then went to Marshal's parent cabin on Sunday. Ashlynn caught her first fish!

We stopped by Dover Supermarket on our way up to the cabin and got some cinnamon rolls! YUM! My Dad and I used to get these all the time. They are the best.

Hanging out at the cabin in Treat.

This is the really neat tree house we ran across on a "short" cut leaving Treat.

Ok I promise to stop being a blog slacker! Come back soon for a new post.