Monday, January 25, 2010

Do good intentions count?

Today is Marshal's Birthday! This is the 14th birthday I have helped him celebrate. I can't believe how fast the years have flown. This is also the last year I get to make fun of him for being in his 30's because come September I will be joining him...Yikes we won't talk about that right now!
I have to admit that this has been the worst birthday celebration so far. Everything I planned just didn't work out like it was suppose to. Long story short I just feel like crap about it all. I could crawl up in a ball and cry, but it won't fix it or help anything. So I am putting on my big girl panties and just hoping that my good intention count for something!

And at least I did give him the most gorgeous little girl and cutest little boy ever so that has to count for something, right?

Monday, January 18, 2010

Everyone said

As I sit here and stare at my precious two month old baby Jaxton my heart is completely full. I know your thinking well of course it is, but I am here to tell you that I really didn't think this was how I would feel. I am amazed everyday at how different this second time momma thing is.

I know everyone said things just work out and once you have that second baby you won't be able to imagine life with out them. Sorry everyone-I listened to you ,but I didn't believe you. I truly was convinced that I was not going to be capable of loving this baby as much as I loved Ashlynn. She was my whole world for five years! I also would not allow myself to love or get attached to Jaxton for the first 32 weeks of my pregnancy. I know that makes me sound like an awful person, but I was so terrified that something was going to happen to him that I felt like I had to guard myself so that it wouldn't hurt so bad. So much so that I refused to buy anything for him and quite honestly tried to ignore that I was pregnant all together.
I truly believe that is when God stepped in. I will not say that pre-term labor was fun, but that is when I begin to bond with my baby. The fear of something being wrong with him or him being born to early brought out all the love I had hidden deep inside. Then the second the doctor held him up my heart was full-I fell head over heels in love with him.

I guess I am telling you all of this not just to share a proud momma moment (even though I am a proud momma) I am sharing all of this because I am amazed by God's love and grace. I am simply amazed at how God is at work in my life and how I can feel his presences in every breath I take. I certainly don't deserve it. Those of you that know me and I mean truly know me know that this is not the same song I was singing a year ago. In fact quite the opposite.

My hope is that I can "bottle" up this feeling and pull it out next time I need to be reminded that God promised to never leave me.

Ok-on another note...Jaxton had his two month check up. He is up to 9lbs. 12oz, which the doctor says is perfect! He does have a little reflux so the doctor recommended trying a little rice cereal to help coat his belly.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Quick Update

I guess Jaxton read my last blog post and was not real happy with me sharing his little sleep problem with all of you because since then I have been seeing a lot of this....

Such a sweet little boy! So strange how they can start out so sweet and yet one day I know he will be your "typical" man.... Gotta love them!

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Who needs sleep any way?

So seriously, who thought it was a good idea to send you home with a baby without sending home an instruction book? It would be so much easier and so much less stressful if you could just flip to the index and say my baby is....... help? Turn to page 105 and whoo hoo problem solved!

Ok, guess if all things in life were that easy what fun would it be, right?

Jaxton is such a sweet boy and soooooooo much more laid back then his sister ever thought about being, but for some reason he has decided that in the last two weeks he just doesn't need to sleep. And when I say he has decided he doesn't need to sleep I mean he thinks he only needs four hours sleep in a 24 hour period. I have tried to tell him that everything I have read says he needs between 14 to 18 hours in 24 hours, but he doesn't seem to believe me. The thing that is throwing me off is that he is not fussy...just simply won't sleep. He actually seems happy as a little lark (unless you try to get him to sleep, which he flat out refuses to do no matter what you try). He has started trying to talk and coo, passes out the sweetest little smiles, and he has even laughed a couple of times.

Just NO sleep! HELP!!!!!

Love him to pieces, but sleeping is on my list of "favorite things to do" so this little arrangement we have worked is isn't quite working out for me.

Ok since I can't seem to solve that problem- I will share a couple of Christmas pictures instead....