Everyone said

As I sit here and stare at my precious two month old baby Jaxton my heart is completely full. I know your thinking well of course it is, but I am here to tell you that I really didn't think this was how I would feel. I am amazed everyday at how different this second time momma thing is.

I know everyone said things just work out and once you have that second baby you won't be able to imagine life with out them. Sorry everyone-I listened to you ,but I didn't believe you. I truly was convinced that I was not going to be capable of loving this baby as much as I loved Ashlynn. She was my whole world for five years! I also would not allow myself to love or get attached to Jaxton for the first 32 weeks of my pregnancy. I know that makes me sound like an awful person, but I was so terrified that something was going to happen to him that I felt like I had to guard myself so that it wouldn't hurt so bad. So much so that I refused to buy anything for him and quite honestly tried to ignore that I was pregnant all together.

I truly believe that is when God stepped in. I will not say that pre-term labor was fun, but that is when I begin to bond with my baby. The fear of something being wrong with him or him being born to early brought out all the love I had hidden deep inside. Then the second the doctor held him up my heart was full-I fell head over heels in love with him.

I guess I am telling you all of this not just to share a proud momma moment (even though I am a proud momma) I am sharing all of this because I am amazed by God's love and grace. I am simply amazed at how God is at work in my life and how I can feel his presences in every breath I take. I certainly don't deserve it. Those of you that know me and I mean truly know me know that this is not the same song I was singing a year ago. In fact quite the opposite.

My hope is that I can "bottle" up this feeling and pull it out next time I need to be reminded that God promised to never leave me.

Ok-on another note...Jaxton had his two month check up. He is up to 9lbs. 12oz, which the doctor says is perfect! He does have a little reflux so the doctor recommended trying a little rice cereal to help coat his belly.