I did not sign up for this
When I found out I was going to be a mommy for the first time I was so excited. I was excited about the tiny toes and the cut little clothes. I couldn't wait to snuggle the perfect little baby. I dreamed of watching her grow and being her best friend.
Never did it ever cross my mind that becoming a mommy was going to be more difficult than anything my wildest imagination could dream up.
Last night Marshal, GeGe, and I ended up in the emergency room with Ashlynn. She was playing underneath the dinning room table with plans to jump out and surprise her GeGe and Daddy. When she went to jump out she surprised them alright...yes you guessed it, the top of her little head hit right into the bottom corner of the table.
The very second I heard the sound my heart sank. I knew right then that my baby girl was badly hurt. Marshal scooped her up and she began screaming. When she started crying Jaxton started crying and I started crying. Thank goodness Marshal was there and thank goodness he is able to not only deal with blood (which anyone that knows me at all knows that I can barely say the word without passing out much less have to see it and clean it up) but he was able to stay calm.
He cleaned up the wound and we waited for a little while then he told us the cut just wasn't going to close up on it's own and we needed to go the emergency room.
This is where that "being a mommy is the most difficult thing" comes in. When your baby is hurt, you as a mommy feel the worst pain you have ever felt in your life. Knowing that you can't kiss it and make it feel better. Knowing that you have to sit back, smile like everything is fine, and be strong. No one ever told me that this would be so hard.
Ashlynn is going to be fine. It really turned out to be a minor cut. She got a couple of staples and will need a week of healing but is going to be just fine.
I am the one with the long term effects.
I am the one that was reminded how fiercely I love that child. I am the one that dropped down on my knees and thanked God for being her protector. I am the one that got a small glimpse of how God must feel when we, his children, hurt. It made me realize that although God probably wants nothing more than to take our pain away, the pain in our lives teaches us so much.
While this was Ashlynn's first, I know it will not be her last cut or bruise. I hope though that she has learned to be a little more cautious and listen a little closer.
I hope that I too have learned that same lesson.
Never did it ever cross my mind that becoming a mommy was going to be more difficult than anything my wildest imagination could dream up.
Last night Marshal, GeGe, and I ended up in the emergency room with Ashlynn. She was playing underneath the dinning room table with plans to jump out and surprise her GeGe and Daddy. When she went to jump out she surprised them alright...yes you guessed it, the top of her little head hit right into the bottom corner of the table.
The very second I heard the sound my heart sank. I knew right then that my baby girl was badly hurt. Marshal scooped her up and she began screaming. When she started crying Jaxton started crying and I started crying. Thank goodness Marshal was there and thank goodness he is able to not only deal with blood (which anyone that knows me at all knows that I can barely say the word without passing out much less have to see it and clean it up) but he was able to stay calm.
He cleaned up the wound and we waited for a little while then he told us the cut just wasn't going to close up on it's own and we needed to go the emergency room.
This is where that "being a mommy is the most difficult thing" comes in. When your baby is hurt, you as a mommy feel the worst pain you have ever felt in your life. Knowing that you can't kiss it and make it feel better. Knowing that you have to sit back, smile like everything is fine, and be strong. No one ever told me that this would be so hard.
Ashlynn is going to be fine. It really turned out to be a minor cut. She got a couple of staples and will need a week of healing but is going to be just fine.
I am the one with the long term effects.
I am the one that was reminded how fiercely I love that child. I am the one that dropped down on my knees and thanked God for being her protector. I am the one that got a small glimpse of how God must feel when we, his children, hurt. It made me realize that although God probably wants nothing more than to take our pain away, the pain in our lives teaches us so much.
While this was Ashlynn's first, I know it will not be her last cut or bruise. I hope though that she has learned to be a little more cautious and listen a little closer.
I hope that I too have learned that same lesson.
Comments
Post a Comment