Is This Normal

When all of you start messaging me with names and numbers of psychiatrist I guess I will have my answer. Ha!


Things that make me think I might be crazy.

1) For 31 years now I have made my decisions based on my gut, emotions, and logic. Every time I have a gut feeling about something I go with it and in the end it has lead me in the right direction or proven that I have made the right decision. However, twice recently I have had very strong gut feelings about something and just knew how it was going to work out. Only in the end to find out that my gut was dead wrong. What the heck. How do you deal with your own self lying to you? Does it even make sense to not trust yourself? Ugh.I am losing it. Looking back at the logic in both of the situations it seems so obvious that I was wrong the whole time. Why couldn't I see that? Did I really pay so little attention that I couldn't see what was right in front of me the whole time?

2) I deal with stress, worry, and pain in one of two ways- I sleep a ton so I don't have to think about it or I can't sleep at all because of it. I don't know why or what makes my body decide to handle each situation with one polar extreme or the other. I can tell you, if it were up to me, I would prefer the sleep a ton approach. Reason beginning, the can't sleep at all, annoys the crap out of me. Take last night for example, I was upset and couldn't sleep. My mind was running all over the place, but instead of trying to think about and deal with what I was upset about I kept playing over and over in my mind all the reasons I really don't like baseball. Really? Wow, that seems like a wonderful way to spend 8 hours you big dork!

3) While in New York we visited a couple of churches. The churches were open to the public to be toured, but when we went inside they were holding services. This really caught me off guard. These people are trying to worship God when there are random tourist roaming around the place? I see. I mean I can be sitting in church when a lady 15 rows up and all the way over to the left, gets up to go to the restroom. I immediately look over at her and here is a typical sample of what my mind does: " Oh that is a pretty yellow top she has on, Umm lemon pie sounds yummy, wonder if I have those ingredients at home? No I will have to go to the store. While I am there I need to remember to pick up some, blah, blah, blah, and blah. Huh, wonder when I could got to the store. Well that won't work because the kids have, blah and blah. Then I have that scheduled for then. Oh crap I forgot to mail that card to so and so." Wait a minute is the preacher wrapping up his sermon all ready? Oh great I totally missed it!

Yet here these people are attending a church where tourist are walking around and talking to one another constantly. Huh, I feel like I must need some ADD meds.

4) One of my favorite, what the heck is wrong with me, things is my ability to comfort myself. If I am upset about something I find music that is guaranteed to make me cry and I listen to it over and over again Seems like great self soothing, right? I proved this point of being a fabulous self comforter again during the whole plane ride home event. Ok, we are flying to Houston from NYC. We have already had one weather delay leaving New York. We start heading towards Houston and the pilot comes on and says " sorry folks we are being diverted back to Dallas due to storms". Ok whatever. We have to stay on the plane and are told very little information as to what is going on. Next thing we know they are yelling at us to get ready to take off and make it snappy. One hour later we take off for our 35 minute flight back to Houston. We get in the air and next thing we know the sky is dark gray, there is lightening all around us and the plane is being thrown around like a toy Three people were actually sent to the hospital from flying in that storm system, not on my plane but one on the same route during the same time. I wasn't sure if I was going to die from a plane crash or the anxiety attack I was having. What do I do? One second I am praying " Dear Lord please get me through this" and the very next second I am singing Alanis Morissette's Ironic " He ( I changed it to she) waited his whole life to take this flight and as the plane crashed down he thought well isn't this nice". Who does that? I kept trying to tell myself to stop thinking things like that because it certainly wasn't helping my profuse sweating or need to vomit, but I simply wouldn't listen to myself.

So what is the verdict? Do you do things like this or is it totally just me?



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